Have you ever wondered how can a couple who vowed to love each other till death do them apart go from love birds to ennemies? From a couple who was happy and smiling on their wedding day to two strangers cursing and wanting to kill each other after their wedding?
Well, this year I've seen happy couples getting married and once happy couples getting a divorce. And here I'm talking about christian couples! Can you Imagine? At some point I became sceptical and confused about marriages (and I am married ), I can't even Imagine how confusing this is for single ladies.
One day after an argument with my husband(yes, it happens) . I was mad, thinking that he was a selfish man,that he didn't love me, I began to Imagine that he was going to leave me, that we were going to get a divorce like all the other couples, and I started to wonder what happened to us, why we didn't love each other anymore,..(see how the devil can pollute your mind!) And I became very angry at him and sad at the same time because I didn't know what to do. So I decided to pray about it begging GOD to fix it. I didn't really want to end up single and raising my boys alone with no father.lol.
At that time I was preparing for the video with my mom on "how to be a christian mother" and while we were talking, she shared with me some of her personal stories about her 30 years of marriage. So when we got to the question of "how to keep your man's heart". She said:"It is pretty simple.When you are married it means that you become one with your husband. Your heart is his and his heart is yours. But it does not mean that you won't make any effort. You have to pray for him and let him be the MAN in your house. Give him the respect that he deserves and allow him to be the head of the household.
I was like :"Wow!" Is it really that simple? What about all the videos, books and blogs on how to keep your man? What about all the lists of "Do's and Don'ts "for women from all the self-proclaimed love gurus?
Well, I think I got it all wrong.
I realized that it wasn't such a "big deal", that I shouldn't be afraid of him leaving me as he shouldn't be afraid of me leaving him. Because I know deep inside that He loves me, and that I love him. And I realized how foolish my thoughts were. How did I forget for a second how good, caring and loving he has been to me and the boys so far? What if he was thinking the same thing about me? I began to remember all the good times we've shared together. And I went to him and apologized. And we settled our argument.
Afterwards, I asked him what was his thoughts on our little argument and the funny thing is I found out that he had the exact same thoughts.
And
I was like " Jesus!" What if nobody had made the first step and try to
make up? What would've happened? Will we still be married today? And the
worst part is, I don't even remember what the argument was about. And
that could've cost me my marriage. The devil is a liar.
I don't think I'm the only one that has gone through this( I'm not that special.lol), and I think many of us do stupid things out of fear and misunderstanding. We have misconceptions and false expectations on what a man or woman is supposed to be or do. Some of us have been told by some bitter women that "umugabo n'umwana w'uwundi". Which translates as." A man is somebody else's child" Yes, he was somebody else's child until he married his wife and became his husband. That means the wife became his priority before his parents and everybody else. Genesis 2:24 says:"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh". This means we shouldn't be worried. We should make our marriages, our priorities. Not the kids, not the parents, not the siblings, not the friends not the church family and certainly not what other people may think of our couple . Let's look up to the good examples among us. Those who have succeeded in their marriage. And also be a good examples for others. Romans 12:2 says:"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Let's inspire others and not be inspired by false advertisement.
In
conclusion, I believe that when you decide to marry someone you should
be aware that you will have "ups and downs". Your job is to do your
best that your" ups" outweigh your "downs."Know that you won't be on the
same page all the time but most of the time. Love selflessly, always
remember that love was what brought you together in the first place. Do
to your spouse as you would like to be done to you. Don't start making
up crazy stuff in your head about the other person. That's an open door for the Devil to slide in. Go ask the person directly to have a
clear vision of what's going on. And most importantly pray earnestly for
your marriage or future marriage if you are not married yet. Don't
allow your love story to turn into a hate story.
