I THINK I GOT IT ALL WRONG (PART 1):FROM LOVE TO HATE

 Have you ever wondered how can a couple who vowed to love each other till death do them apart go from love birds to ennemies? From a couple who was happy and smiling on their wedding day to two strangers cursing and wanting to kill each other after their wedding?

Well, this year I've seen happy couples getting married and once happy couples getting a divorce. And here I'm talking about christian couples! Can you Imagine? At some point I became sceptical and confused about marriages (and I am married ), I can't even  Imagine how confusing this is  for single ladies.

One day after an argument with my husband(yes, it happens) . I was mad, thinking that he was a selfish man,that he didn't love me, I began to Imagine that he was going to leave me, that we were going to get a divorce like all the other couples, and I started to wonder what happened to us, why we didn't love each other anymore,..(see how the devil can pollute your mind!) And I became very angry at him and sad at the same time because I didn't know what to do. So I decided to pray about it begging GOD to fix it. I didn't really want to end up single and raising my boys alone with no father.lol. 

At that time I was preparing for the video with my mom on "how to be a christian mother" and while we were talking, she shared with me some of her personal stories about her 30 years of marriage. So when we got to the question of "how to keep  your man's heart". She said:"It is pretty simple.When you are married it means that you become one with your husband. Your heart is his and his heart is yours. But it does not mean that you won't make any effort. You have to pray for him and let him be the MAN in your house. Give him the respect that he deserves and allow him to be the head of the household.

I was like :"Wow!" Is it really that simple? What about all the videos, books and blogs on how to keep your man? What about all the lists of "Do's and Don'ts "for women from all the self-proclaimed love gurus? 

Well, I think I got it all wrong. 

I realized that it wasn't such a "big deal", that I shouldn't be afraid of him leaving me as he shouldn't be afraid of me leaving him. Because I know deep inside that He loves me, and that I love him. And I realized how foolish my thoughts were. How did I forget for a second how good, caring and loving he has been to me and the boys so far? What if he was thinking the same thing about me? I began to remember all the good times we've shared together. And I went to him and apologized. And we settled our argument. 

Afterwards, I asked him what was his thoughts  on our little argument and  the funny thing is I found out that he had the exact same thoughts. 

And I was like " Jesus!" What if nobody had made the first step and try to make up? What would've happened? Will we still be married today? And the worst part is, I don't even remember what the argument was about. And that could've cost me my marriage. The devil is a liar.

I don't think I'm the only one that has gone through this( I'm not that special.lol), and I think many of us do stupid things out of fear and misunderstanding. We have misconceptions and false expectations on what a man or woman is supposed to be or do. Some of us have been told by some bitter women that "umugabo n'umwana w'uwundi". Which translates as." A man is somebody else's child" Yes, he was somebody else's child until he married his wife and became his husband. That means the wife became his priority before his parents and everybody else. Genesis 2:24 says:"Therefore a man shall leave his father and mother and be joined to his wife, and they shall become one flesh". This means we shouldn't be worried. We should make our marriages, our priorities. Not the kids, not the parents, not the siblings, not the friends not the church family and certainly not what other people may think of our couple . Let's look up to the good examples among us. Those who have succeeded in their marriage. And also be a good examples for others. Romans 12:2 says:"And be not conformed to this world: but be ye transformed by the renewing of your mind, that ye may prove what is that good, and acceptable, and perfect, will of God." Let's inspire others and not be inspired by false advertisement. 

In conclusion, I believe that when you  decide to marry someone you should be aware that you will have "ups and downs". Your job is to do your best that your" ups" outweigh your "downs."Know that you won't be on the same page all the time but most of the time. Love selflessly, always remember  that love was what brought you together in the first place. Do to your spouse as you would like to be done to you. Don't start making up crazy stuff in your head about the other person. That's an open door for the Devil to slide in. Go ask the person directly to have a clear vision of what's going on. And most importantly pray earnestly for your marriage or future marriage if you are not married yet. Don't allow your love story to turn into a hate story.

YOU SHALL KNOW THE TRUTH AND THE TRUTH SHALL SET YOU FREE.

Hello everyone, I hope you had a great day or are having a good one. Mine was great praise God.
So today's topic is based on a sermon of Pastor Cornelius Lindsey about "giving" that i watched  back in April(you can find it on my facebook page) it was so much eye opening for me. Sometimes we, as Christians, are cought up in laws, rituals and traditions that have nothing to do with the word of God invented by some so-called men of God.

It reminded me of when I first got here in north-America as I already said I wasn't really saved, I didn't know much about the word of God, I read my bible every now and then, I didn't know how important it is to know God for myself, to know his word for myself. I thought if I just listen to what the pastor says on Sundays I'm good, I don't need to go deep into the word. Whenever I had questions instead of opening my bible and pray about it the first thing I  was doing was to ask the people who were in church  for longer than me because I thought :"If they are here that long  they are certainly better "christian" than me" Which actually is far from the truth.

So one day, I asked  somebody about "giving" I was new in the church and I wanted to know how things worked in that church  because the currency was different and I was a bit confused. So I asked how tithing and offering worked there . And I was told that I should give the tenth of all my income(tithe) plus my offering and that I should not give less than a certain amount of money. So whenever I did not have that bill or more in my purse I didn't give because I thought  it would be a shame to give less than what i was told as if everybody would see it and laugh at me or as if God would be insulted by my offering. See how bound I was by some foolishness that I thought  was the truth? What scripture says the amount of money that has to be given? Where did that come from? I don't blame the person who told me that because maybe that person didn't know better.
But I blame myself for believing such a lie for so long and for spreading that lie because who ever asked me got the same answer from me. Hosea 4:6 says: "My people are destroyed for lack of knowledge". This is the sad truth. We rely on what  people say to guide our lives instead of relying on God and his word. It's like we have more faith in people than God.

Speaking of having more faith in men than God, let's ask ourselves these questions. When we have some issues in our lives, what is the first thing we do? Do we pray about it first to have God's instructions or do we tell our pastor/spiritual leader? When we have to make important decisions in our lives do we tell God or the pastor first? My intention is not to discourage people to trust their pastors/spiritual leaders , but although their advices and blessings  are important, we have to be careful not to make  them our idols. Because if we run to them before running to God, then something is definitely wrong. It may be time to review our priorities.
God is God and will always be God, He is the same, he doesn't change, but men can change depending on the circumstances. So we better choose God.
  
By the way, there is also another thing that has been on my mind for quite sometime. As christian when we are talking to other people outside our local church or new members I hear people say:"Well, at our church we dress this way, we are not allowed to do this and that,,.." And it's like a competition for which church is better than the other(I fell in that trap too, i know). I have also seen some churches who tell people that their are not welcome in the building if they dress a certain way or look a certain way. That particularly chocked me. Since when does salvation require to look a certain way? Are people supposed to be perfect to be admitted in a church? who told these men they own the church? What happened to the church of Christ, The one He shed blood for? Did Jesus die on the cross for perfect people or for sinners? 
Well, i'm just going to leave it here. This would  Probably make  a whole other blog. So people don't be fooled, be careful.

In conlusion,  every time we hear a sermon, a prophesy, or somebody tells you that  God told him/her something about you or if you want to get an advice, the first thing to do is pray about it, then check whether what they say agrees with the word of God or not because that person you listen to may be misleading you. Thessalonian 5:21-22 says:  21but test everything that is said. Hold on to what is good. 22. Stay away from every kind of evil. So make sure you test everything you hear no matter who says it.

Have a nice day, God is good always.

FREEDOM TO BE (PART 2)

Hey everyone, hope y'all are doing well! I have a question for you today. Have you ever been in a situation where you see people doing things they normally don't do or have you yourself been in such situation where you buy things you can't afford, behave strangely in public, hang out with people you don't like or shouldn't be hanging out with, do things because others do it? Well, I must admit I did. Sometimes you look at people or at yourself and you're like:"what is wrong with you/me?".

 So the other day I was thinking about it and I found out that it's a natural thing to want to be like everybody else. We want to feel like we belong to a certain group/community that we are not alone in this journey called life. It's a desire for recognition. It's called a "sense of belonging ". Scientists  say that it's the greatest human emotional need. Belonging is an important part of our lives. Even some research show that it is good for our health because it makes you feel loved, appreciated,...

So as I grow in my walk of faith I discovered that most of us got it wrong. We do everything possible to fit in a certain group/community. We change our way of speaking, dressing, walking, sometimes even our values are affected. Some of those things aren't bad, but the bad thing is, it can affect our destiny/future in a negative way. Because we're trying to force our way into things that are not for us. And we find ourselves miserable, unhappy, unsatisfied. That's where some people fall in depression, self-hatred,...Because deep inside we know we're not in the right place.

 I did some stupid things myself to be cool because I thought it was the only way to remain a member of a certain group of friends. Allow me to share a little personal story. When I was a teenager, I went out with a friend of mine and her boyfriend and since they didn't want me third wheeling(I assume,lol), the boyfriend brought one of his male friends with him, So the guy was sitting next to me and he began to touch my arm while talking to me. I felt very uncomfortable, but I didn't say a thing because I didn't want them to think I was not cool and tell their friends that I was a weird girl who was afraid of boys (insecure I was for sure). I wanted to keep my cool-girl status(lol)  .Thank God we were in a public place and it ended with the arm touching. When I think about it, I'm like:"What was I thinking?"I didn't even like the guy, lol. God knows what would've happened if we were in a more private space.

 You know, the devil knows about the sense of belonging, he knows that it is important for us so he convinces us that we should change who we are to be accepted, that we can't be loved/appreciated for who we are, that we should have a drink, smoke, buy expensive stuff,be cool..etc. Because our target group/community is doing so. That's a lie. But the good news is, God always has our back in every situation. He knows what we need, and that sense of belonging is for Him, we belong to Him, that's why when we are away from Him we feel something is missing, there is a gap that must be filled by Him only. Jeremiah17:5 and 7 says : 5.Cursed is the one who trusts in man, who draws strength from mere flesh and whose heart turns away from the Lord.

7.But blessed is the one who trusts in the Lord, whose confidence is in him.

Galatians 3:26 and 29 also says: 26. So in Christ Jesus you are all children of God through faith.

29.If you belong to Christ, then you are Abraham’s seed, and heirs according to the promise.

This is awesome, it shows that only by faith our need is fulfilled. We just have to believe in Jesus Christ and we will no longer feel the need to be somebody else, do weird things to fit in or join some group/community that is not for us. In fact, we can completely be ourselves because God is the one who created us with all our imperfections because he has a plan for us, a destiny. All we have to do is trust Him. His love is enough. 

And when we accept to trust Him , to enter his family, then He leads us to the right group/community, right relationships, right jobs, etc. So let's just trust him He knows best.

Have a great day. Jesus is The Way.

 

FREEDOM TO BE

This particular topic has been a real challenge  in my life. I've struggled in this area for so long and I know many other people do struggle too.

For most  of my life I've struggled to be who I am, I've been  who everybody else wanted me to be except who I wanted to be. Where I come from it's a very conservative kind of society, so it is really difficult to stand out. You have to conform, to be like everybody, walk like everybody, talk like everybody, even if you don't want to  or want  to do it differently , just try.Because you certainly don't want to be caught up being different in that kind of society. Oh no! Man, you'll be in trouble.
This where hypocrisy comes in , everyone tries their best to please each and everyone, not hurt nobody's feelings because if you don't listen to people's advice you are hurting their feelings and they will hold it against you for the rest of their lives and they will not miss any opportunity  to  remind you that you did not listen . Don't even mention that you too have feelings too. No just stay in line.
If you look at the way I describe it you may think I am exaggerating, but it is the truth, people who know my country  know i'm right.


Unfortunately for me as far as I can remember I always loved to do things differently,  and I hate hypocrisy with all my heart. People who know me know  I can't do something just because somebody told me too , if you don't tell me why I most likely will not do it. I am hard headed at times lol. My father has always told us that honesty and integrity are the way to go. So in my head that is what everybody was taught at home. Can you imagine what it was like growing up in that kind of society for someone like me? Jesus! I tried my best to fit in but as the saying goes "a leopard can't change its spots". It was  so frustrating.


What frustrated me the most was the fact that society teaches  that expressing your emotions/feelings is a bad thing, that you have to be satisfied with what you have, the situation you are in. Don't ask for more, what you have is enough.  Like you are not supposed to have your own feelings, if you say the way you feel or express emotions either somebody is going to laugh at you or make you think that it is wrong so you may feel guilty and let it go.
I've seen abused wives who can't say a word because people would tell them (niko zubakwa) which means suck it up! That's life, you are not the first nor the last, let that man beat you up, mistreat you  until you die or until he has had enough of it. I can't understand how that is possible, maybe because I was favored enough to grow up in a peaceful household. But you know even if you don't want it it your environment affects you somehow.


Hypocrisy has never been my thing. I just can't, i tried , it never worked. But i can smell  the hypocrisy from miles away. You can't fool me. lol. I did succeed for a quite long time at repressing my emotions.I avoided to talk about what I felt, what I think I wanted for my life and I just did what people told me or according to their advices. I said to myself , they know best, if they say I should do that, let's go for it, I can't allow myself to be different, what is going to happen if I do so? i may loose all those people because their feelings may be hurt.  I'm not saying that taking advices is wrong.What is wrong is taking advices from everybody just to please them. In the midst of all that I was so frustrated, I felt like i was living another persons life.


I've always admired people with strong personality, confident, that can stand for themselves and others. I always wanted to be that kind of person, but i never could So i decided to pray about it , I was so uncomfortable in that situation. I said:" God, i know you have a good plan for me, I know I'm not called to be somebody else, or live, somebody else's life, I want my own, the one you designed for me. I want it all, not only, the small things, I want the great things, I want my name to be remembered when I die, I want to leave a legacy. and mostly I want to be free from people's opinion and be myself freely, i don't want it to be a burden anymore"

Oh, how I love the Lord, He answers prayers, little by little he  brakes every chain. The Holy spirit reminded me of the scripture  that says :"It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. Stand firm, then, and do not let yourselves be burdened again by a yoke of slavery.".(Galatians 5:!).
Christ never said that we all should be the same,that is us putting ourselves into slavery and letting others rule over our lives, we refuse to take risks , to go to the other side, because of fear, because of what people "may" say. So i began to allow myself to get back my life piece by piece.

Today I'm happy to say that i am free from people's bondage. What a feeling, i wish you all to experience it. It feels great! I don't mind what people think because anyway i can't do nothing about it and i know i can't please everyone, so no stress on my side!!

Although i don't have it all together now, i know i am getting there, it's a process, great things are ahead of me and i am looking forward to it. I will not ask for permission to be myself, Jesus has already given me all the permissions i need. "I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." (Philippians 4:13). 

Let's just Give to God the control of our lifes not Men, He is the designer and only a designer knows best what works for the product he designed. Relax and let Him give you the FREEDOM TO BE.

GOD forgives and forgets

 One of my favorite things to do is to listen to sermons while I'm washing the dishes. Since my brain is pretty much on autopilot when I'm doing the dishes, I prefer to feed my soul. So I listen to sermons.

Earlier this week, as I was listening to a sermon the preacher said  something that caught my attention, he said: " God forgives and forgets". It stayed on my mind the whole week, but I didn't quite get it. I  was like : "I know that when we repent of a sin, God forgives us, but what does it really mean he forgets?

Friday,  when I was meditating on that word trying to understand what it really meant I decided to do a little bit of research about it. That's where Google comes in handy(lol). So I typed that same sentence  to see what scripture related I can get to understand more. Then i came across two scriptures. The first one is in Isaiah 43: 25 :" I, even I, am the one who wipes out your transgressions for My own sake, And I will not remember your sins". The second is in Hebrews 10:16-18: 16 "This is the covenant that I will make with them after those days, declares the Lord: I will put my laws on their hearts, and write them on their minds,”17 then he adds, "  I will remember their sins and their lawless deeds no more. 
18 Where there is forgiveness of these, there is no longer any offering for sin."


It says that God when he forgives, he forgets, that means he keeps no record of our sins, it means whenever we decide to repent he forgives us  and forgets all about it. Man that was a major revelation for me. All of a sudden I felt peace in my heart , like a heavy burden was lifted off my shoulders. I experienced true freedom. This is why I love God, everyday I get to experience another side of God's love towards me.
 So this means whenever the devil or someone tries to remind me of a sin that i repented from trying to make me feel bad I can boldly say :" get over it! You're the only one still having a record about that. And whenever i am tempted to go back to that sin i can say :"get away from me devil me and Jesus have already won that battle."
I don't have to beat myself up  anymore for something that no longer exists. I can move forward and enjoy my new creation status. This does not allow us to do whatever we want though, and then ask for forgiveness. We have to be accountable and ask God for his strength so that we don't fall into temptation.  As Phillipians 4:13 says"I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me." So he's got our back.

 The holy spirit reminded me also that we are called to be Christ-like so we too, have to forgive people who hurt us and forget . I know it's not easy, but in order to go forward, we have to forget , to overlook the offense, choose love over hate. We have to be able to give second changes . Sometimes you can forgive someone but that particular person keeps on hurting you. I think in that case you may have to love that person from a distance until they get it.(My opinion). Some of us may feel like they are not welcome in the church because they feel like they do not fit in, that even though God did forgive them, he still remembers their past and is watching them so that if ever  they make another mistake they will no longer benefit from the grace of God. They feel like church is only for pure hearted people who never ever sin. Let me tell you something, that is a lie. Church is a gathering of sinners who have repented and are in the process of being Christ-like. Nobody is perfect but, we all strive for progress in our walk with God. God is still God  and his mercy endures forever. I love  how Ephesians 1:3 to 14 explains it all so well.

 Overall the good news is  GOD FORGIVES AND FORGETS so whatever your sins are is or however your past looks like if you are willing to repent, turn from your bad ways and accept Jesus as lord and savior. You become a new person, free from the past, child of God,  a new creation . Receive God's forgiveness and the tremendous peace that comes with it.

Praise God.

The power of words : Part 2: Speaking life in the lives of others.

 Happy women's day to all of you ladies. I know i'm late. I thought I would write this yesterday, but I did not get the time to do it.
I'm glad we have a day where women are celebrated all over the world because what would be the world without us? I don't know.
I'm going to add my voice to many others and celebrate the woman. Woman you are a treasure to this world, you are a diamond of great value, don't let nobody tell you otherwise.

As women and as  mothers we have many roles to play in the lives of those who surround us.
One of the roles which to me is crucial is to speak life in the lives of our loved ones, especially in the lives of our little ones. We need to be careful what we tell our kids or the kids around us.

When I was little, I was very curious I was asking questions all the time. I had something to say or stories to tell most of the time. My grandmothers and aunts always knew that when they came to visit they had to have a story to tell me before I go to bed.
 And sometimes when you have a kid like that , that speaks all the time it can  be annoying or even embarrassing, so people would  often tell me that i talked too much, one of my uncles even gave me a nickname which pretty much meant "chatterbox" (I didn't like him because of that. Lol. But i forgave him, I'm saved, you know. 😊). So as I grew up I thought asking many questions and talking in front of people was a bad thing. I became shy and afraid to speak in public.
To this date I still struggle in that area. When I have to speak in front of a large group of people I begin to shake and sweat .It takes me a lot of prayers before I'm able to speak.
But by the grace of God it is getting better.  I allowed the holy spirit to change my mindset and restore what has been lost.

This is why we have to be careful of what we say to our kids and also what other people say to them. I would never allow anybody to tell my kids anything negative, I don't care who you are or what your intentions are, you may think it is just a joke but it isn't funny to me. I can't allow anybody to influence their future in a negative way, not on my watch.
As a mother, my job is to make sure that their gifts and talents are not hindered by  other people's negative words, or their own fear. My job is to encourage them to have self-confidence and trust God about their gifts and talent.

John: 2 ,when Jesus and his mother went to a wedding in Cana. In Verse 3, 4 and 5 it says :" When the wine was gone, Jesus’ mother said to him, “They have no more wine.”
 “Woman, why do you involve me?” Jesus replied. “My hour has not yet come.”
 His mother said to the servants, “Do whatever he tells you.”. 
Mary knew who her son was, she knew she gave birth to the son of God and she knew how to help her son reveal the gift that was in him. Even though Jesus said that it wasn't his time, she still told the servants to do what Jesus would tell them. Note that she did not force him to do anything, she paved the way for him so that when he is ready he could  perform The first miracle. 

Now, what if she didn't say anything? What if she just sat there and said:" You know what Jesus? there is no more wine, I guess the party is over, it was a nice wedding,  now let's go home".  Maybe Jesus wouldn't have performed the first miracle, and some of the disciples may not have believed in him because it is said that in verse 11 that after that, his disciples believed in him( you know some of us need miracles to trust him.lol).

Usually women have discernment, some may  call it "Feminine instincts", we have the capability of knowing what our kids are made of. It is a God-given ability, so we have to encourage our kids (or the kids we take care of) and guide them in their gifts and talents, not limit them and tell them what they cannot do or are doing wrong.

We have to pray and ask God how to do it and as Mary we will be able to speak to their inner miracle performer and watch the glory of God be manifested.

The power of words: Part 1: Why we should tell our kids that we love them

Being a mother has taught me so much. I'm so happy God gave me two amazing boys. I love them with all my heart . I did not know I could love that much (all the mothers will agree with me on this).  Often times we are so focused on loving our kids so much that we forget to tell them that we love them.
It is vital that you tell your child(ren) that you love them. They have to know it not to imagine or to think that you love them but to be sure . And the only way that this can happen is by you the mother or the father telling them.
Let me give you a little bit of my testimony  I hope it will help you understand the importance of what i am saying.

Where i come from, people don't say  "i love you " very often. They show you. As a matter of fact, I can count how many times my own parents have told me that. But they showed me and are still showing me to this date that they do . I mean i understand more now that I am a parent myself,  it is their culture they were raised like that.  so when i was  little i felt like love had to be earned, that it was conditional to certain things like good grades at school, being polite, doing what your parents tell you,...
So as I was growing up without ever hearing  the word "I love you"except in the movies or when I read about it in books and I loved reading when I was little but that's another story. I became a teenager, I was a shy little girl with low self-esteem ( that's a whole other story too) head in the clouds falling  headlong in the jungle of dating. Boys would come to me saying that they love me and wanted to date me  and I was like" what's love got to do , got to do with it"(Tina turner's song) lol. But joke aside, I didn't know what that word meant, I had a lot of questions like : "What is love? am  I lovable? what do you do when you love someone? What does that boy want from me?" Since I had no answers to my questions I would simply decline the offer.  By the way I am glad I had that kind of thinking  because it saved me from a lot of trouble  and heartbreaking relationships but many of my friends were not that lucky. After a while  I decided to give it a try. Now when I look at my relationship with that guy, I realize it was pure experiment. I was not in love  with him, but I wanted to convince myself that I was so that I could fit in, be like everybody else. Fortunately, we stopped before going too far and getting hurt for nothing. I was not really saved at the time I had a foot in and a foot out.
When I met my now husband,  I had some of that left and he had a hard time with me like really I salute him. He is a very  patient man.  Thank God, Jesus healed  me and taught me what love is.
I have good news for those of you who experienced the same thing as me, there is a way out of that situation it is called JESUS . JOHN 3:16 : God so loved the world that he gave his only son for whoever believe in him should not perish but have eternal life". That means not only does He love us,  but he gave his only son to die for us and he is also willing to give us eternal life. I mean, this is everything, that is all the love we need, nobody else will ever do that for  us. So be encouraged, you are lovable and loved. another verse says in JOHN 4:8: "Whoever does not love does not know God. For God is love". So do not listen to those who say they don't love you because somebody does,  and He  himself is love he is the best teacher about it.

I guess now after reading all this you get my point. This is exactly why I decided that  I will always  show and tell my kids that I love them. I tell them "I love you" like a  thousand times a day lol. I want them to feel it, to know it,  that no matter what, mommy will always love them. I encourage the mothers and the fathers   of this generation and the mother and fathers to be, to do so. Don't let your child hear " I love you" from other people. Especially if you have a girl, don't let that little gangsta be the first to tell her "I love you". Oh Lord, I can't wait for my baby niece to be born so i can shower her with  love, spoil her, the little gangsta has no chance because i will tell her a million times before he does. She will not be impressed at all lol.

If you don't have kids yet you might have kids in your family  who need love. Your siblings,  cousins, nephews and nieces love them, show them, tell them .